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Copyright 2012 Rocky Mountain Rider. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Reproduction of any editorial material, artwork and photos is strictly forbidden without express written permission of the publisher. For information about reprint rights, please contact the editor; editor@rockymountainrider.com.

 

Stop Chewin’!

By Harold Roy Miller, Stagecoach, Nevada

 

July 2012 issue  

 

A horse expert implied I should

stop my horse from chompin’ wood.

He said, “This could cause you equine trouble,

not to mention costing double.

 

“You’ll have to rebuild the fence or stall

every time he starts to gnaw.

This could be a big expense,

replacing all this wood and fence.

 

“If you knew what you were doing,

you could stop this infernal chewing.

It’s the vitamins and minerals that he needs

that are lacking in his regular feeds.”

 

So I took this guy’s advice

and, paying no attention to the price,

went down to the local feed store

and got supplements, vitamins and minerals galore.

 

I bought every product I could afford:

“Hold It!” “Stop Chompin!” “Don’t Bite That Board!”

His termite habit I even tried to foil

by coating the wood with diesel oil.

 

I was discouraged, having my misgivings

but I’d heard about horrible cribbings,

so I bought a muzzle for his mouth

but my lumber still kept going south.

 

In desperation I took down the rails,

dismantled the stalls and tossed the nails.

My new plan sounded foolproof to me

to keep his corral splinter-free.

 

I ran up a massive bill

buying corral panels of titanium steel.

And the new barn cost me a tidy sum –

it was made from pure-grade aluminum.

 

Now my horse is languishing in

his indestructible steel horse pen.

There’s absolutely no exposure

to any wood in this metallic enclosure.

 

So my plan worked like it should –

he no longer snacks on wood.

But I’m experiencing buyer’s remorse;
it would have been cheaper to buy a new horse!

 

 

Copyright 2012 Rocky Mountain Rider. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Reproduction of any editorial material, artwork and photos is strictly forbidden without express written permission of the publisher. For information about reprint rights, please contact the editor; editor@rockymountainrider.com.

 

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